Last year, I made a mistake I haven't forgiven myself for.
I forgave everyone else, made excuses for them but didn't extend the same grace to myself. Anytime I thought about it, the only person at fault in my head was me.
This wasn't the first time I was being unkind to myself. For as long as I can remember, when things go wrong, the first person I blame is myself. 'I should have known better', 'I know better, why didn't I do better'?', 'Here I go messing everything else up, self sabotaging' are some of the things I say to myself. Sigh.
I asked myself one day, If God, the one who created you, the king of the whole world has forgiven you, why is it so hard to forgive yourself? Are you bigger than God?
This year, I still haven't forgiven myself. I gave away parts of myself, of my heart that I shouldn't have given away. I made myself go through emotions I didn't have to go through. The difference is, I am getting there gradually and here are a few things that have helped me:
1- Understanding that in as much as I know better, I am human. A human being trying to be and do better everyday. I made a mistake, okay.. and?
2- Focusing on the present and not the past. Whatever happened has happened.
3- Take learnings and do better, for yourself and people around you
4 - Treat yourself with kindness. Hold yourself everyday and extend grace
5 - See yourself the way God sees you.
You can say this to yourself:
I am a human being and I tend to make mistakes sometimes. I make decisions that aren't always the best sometimes and that is okay because I am learning to do better and be better everyday.
I am thankful for the Holy Spirit who is in me, teaching me and helping me to live according to the will of God. I am thankful for the unconditional love of God that is always there to wrap me up and clean me up every time.
I am grateful for growth, insight and the opportunity to be better and make better decisions now and in the future. I have grown and still growing as a person.
Yes, I made a mistake and I am at peace with that.
Here are some self forgiveness affirmations
- I forgive myself for the times I knew better but did not do better